this is sickening , i cant upload pictures.

so i start on my reflective journal now
(darling wants me to write it because of all the
shits i do )

reflective journal : wordcount 501!

Firstly darling , I apologize for what I’d done all these while that made you always
go stomping mad.

Perhaps because I am impatient that’s why whenever you don’t pick up or return my text
I go screaming soon. And I always called thousands of times till my phone died on me you know? Perhaps because I am really sensitive , therefore I think of your actions as something more when you actually does not meant that way .thats why it always led to so much
Misunderstanding.
Perhaps because I love you much , I want you to be close to me and not our people.
So I does not like it when you’re an inch to do with your friend.(but now isn’t I behaving better than that time in NJC?)
Perhaps because I wanted you to care for me . yes you do definitely , in another way
which I cant see until you tell me what you’re doing(I am pretty slow here) so in one
way or another I want to get your attention and care about me right in front of my face.
Okay im such an idiot , whatever.
Perhaps its just me – I was worst off when you knew me , you know it.
But some things which is there is there eg: sensitivity
I tried to minimize it , haven’t i?
I tried to think about you, about us instead of myself , haven’t i?
I tried to change in so many ways , cooking, saving money so much more!
Perhaps its you!

I did put in effort for you , for our relationship.
But something things may go haywire and I start to go crazy again ,
I know these few weeks I had gone way too far , about to go in
To mental hospital already . sometimes its PMS , and the other me.

From now on I will change , I stop picking on you for every word and action you do.
I will try not to. But don’t you realized you have also become so easily angered?
Where’s the part of you I know which is so difficult to get angry?

‘I get angry maybe just once a year for a short while and im okay’’
You say this was the past 16yrs of your life. You don’t get angry.

And why now so easily anger? I know you say because of me.
But im lovely isn’t it? No doubt to that and you love me darling!

We have gone through so much, and now is another time that we have to go through..
with your family. Will you be able to hold my hand and go through it?

I promise I will be better to you , to us. And you better be too , in your words
You know which way I don’t like when you speak , so please don’t and stop
Switching off your phone when you don’t want to answer, sucker.

With love

♥ 10:30 PM